Remember who you are
by Anae-chan
Summary: Every shikigami was a child once. And every single one of them grew up. This story focuses on slices of Touda's and Soryuu's childhood until their early adulthood.
1. Beginning

_Remember who you are_

_To__: Johanna [A very, very late present of hers. Sorry, hun. Hope you'll like this.)  
__Title__: Remember who you are  
__Author__: Anae  
__Beta__: Axraz  
__Fandom__: Yami no Matsuei, pre-series (and manga-verse)  
__Characters/pairing__: Touda/Soryuu  
__Rating__: PG-13, I'd say.  
__Spoilers__: None, since it's all my imagination.  
__Warnings:__ Erhm, love between boys. And character (no one you know about) death.  
__Disclaimer__: Yami no Matsuei with it__'__s characters belongs to Yoko Matsushita. In other words, I only own the story itself.  
__Summary__: Every shikigami was a child once. And every single one of them grew up. This story focuses on slices of Touda's and Soryuu's childhood until their early adulthood.  
__Feedback: Please drop a review, and tell me how this was. Whether it was good, whether it sucked, and if possible why so. Any comments make my world shine.  
__A/N__: Dear Matsushita never told us the way Touda and Soryuu grew up. That left me on my own, so I do have taken great liberties.  
__A/N2__: Forgive the crappy title.  
__A/N3:__ Part 1/3. (Every week I intend to post a new chapter.)_

A child was standing behind an old wooden door. He knew he shouldn't been here; after all, it was so very late and therefore he ought to be in bed. But he wanted to hear the conversation between his father, highly respected Protector of the East, and this stranger who had come to visit the most powerful shikigami of the Imaginary World this late.

The child leaned on the door, pressing his ear on it. The palace itself was asleep. It was very quiet, and the blue-haired kid could hear the spoken words through the closed door.

"You must realize that you're asking something no one's ever been granted", voice filled with power, voice of a ruler, said.

"Yes." This voice was new to the child. Speaker had to be that strange man. Stranger's voice was calm, there was no hesitance in it. But there was also something the young boy couldn't place. The man, also a father of a young boy, was desperate. "If I could've thought of anything else, I wouldn't be here." A pause. "My lord, I need you to realize that I am not asking this for the sake of my family's honour. I am asking this because I'm worried of my son's future. His battle form, his powers… I've never seen anything like that, and I saw lots of things during the war."

War? The child remembered the stories of the wars. But last war had ended quite a long time ago, right? So this man was quite old, probably even older than boy's father. The kid turned his attention back to the adults' conversation when he heard a new voice speaking. He recognized this voice; it was his teacher, one of the four Gods, a tortoise-god Genbu. The boy still wasn't too sure what they were talking about, but it had to be extremely important since the old priest was there.

"What is your son's element and battle form, my friend?"

The child knew it was important not to get caught, but the curiosity took over the caution. Little boy opened the door slightly, just enough to see. All three shikigamis were standing in small room, and tall figure wasn't looking at the Protectors.

It was quite dark in the room, the only source of light was the a couple of candles and moonlight. The child made a face. He still couldn't see the stranger's face.

"He's a serpent. A fire shikigami." Stranger swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment. "And I'm suspecting he wields no normal fire."

For the first time the boy saw both his teacher and father stare someone in shock and disbelief. The heavy silence landed and the boy could just wonder what the stranger meant. After all, his father never reacted like that. Not even if he heard someone had been killed. The child didn't understand what it meant to be killed or dead, but those words usually made people shock. But not his dad.

Genbu was the first to speak, to break the web of silence. "A… hellfire shikigami?"

The stranger nodded, still refusing to meet the others' eyes. "I know it sounds crazy. After all, hellfire shikigamis are extremely rare. Still, I'm suspecting it. I can be wrong but…"

The Guardian of the East interrupted the third man. The boy at the door looked his father is disbelief. His father never did that, it was against good manners, so what was going on? What it meant to be a hellfire shikigami?

"Is it okay if we come to see you and your son tomorrow?"

The answer was immediate. "Yes, my lord."

With that, the three men started heading towards the door. Young boy nearly panicked. If he was caught, dad would get mad at him and he'd get at least one week arrest, which was no fun at all! The child ran as fast as he could and managed to get behind the corner before the adults stepped to the hallway and looked his way. The child knew it would be wise to go to his room now but the he was still too curious. After all, he hadn't understood anything about the conversation! Maybe if he'd listen until the end, he'd realize what adults' had been talking about for real…

The child peered behind the corner. His father was looking at the stranger. The boy couldn't quite place the look the man had, but it wasn't something he wouldn't show to anyone. Usually he wore that look only before his family.

The trio stood in silence for a while. Then Gendu lightly touched stranger's hand, and said, his voice reassuring and friendly: "Let's hope you're wrong, my friend."

The answer was a forced smile and a nod. "Until tomorrow then, my lords."

Then, before the child even realized, the stranger had walked outside, changed into his battle form and left. Now his father and Genbu were approaching him. The boy quickly turned away, trying to make it to the next corridor but…

"Soryuu!"

The boy winced. Now he was in trouble.

On the next day, the sun was shining. The water of the lake was glimmering beautifully as the sunrays touched the surface. The world looked bright, bathing in the sun. A child on the shore didn't feel like it, though. He was aware of the trio standing further away. He couldn't hear the words but he knew it was something about him.

The child looked at the water and bit his lip. It had been some days ago when he had changed into his battle form for the first time. The kid could remember the shock on his father's and an old lady's face; he couldn't forget the disgust in that lady's, who had always been so nice to everyone, voice when she had asked: "What in the world are you?"

Black-haired kid rested his head on his knees, fighting against the urge to cry. Before that day, he had been excited about his battle form. But not anymore. Not now when he knew what he really was. A filthy snake.

Then, to child's surprise, there was a gentle voice behind him. "Hey."

The child turned to see a short, little priest standing before him. "Hey", he answered, rising to his feet. He didn't want to be impolite even if he was scared. After all, this man and the other standing further away, they were Protectors of the Imaginary World. They had to be, their auras were so huge and the way they stood... Such honour, pride and charisma… But… Why were they here?

The boy felt a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He turned to see his father, meeting his eyes. "What if you'd go with these men?"

The kid eyed the gods. The priest standing next to him wasn't so frightening but the other one wearing a blue robe which matched to his eyes and hair was tall and really scary. The child didn't really want to go with them, but… He looked at his dad. "How long?"

There was uneasiness and his father lowered his eyes for a second. That was all he needed as an answer. That meant a very, very long time. "Why?" The child bit his lip, trying not to sound scared. "_What in the world are you?"_ Tears started to gather in his red serpent eyes as the realization kicked in. "Because of…"

A finger touched his lips. "Ssh." Dad's tone was calming, reassuring, driving away the thought that even a father despised his child. "They can teach you better than anybody else. With them, you'll grow to a strong shikigami."

The boy shook his head. He wanted to become strong but he didn't want to move away. He hadn't had a mother for ages and he didn't want to lose his father as well. He wanted to stay. Tears started to fall from the red eyes.

The father kneeled, pulling his son into a tight hug. The little, crying form pressed against his body made the adult's eyes water as well. "You need a proper teaching. Better than I could ever provide", he explained. Then he paused, letting his child take his time to understand the meaning of words. Biting his lip he continued: "So what if you'd go with them?"

The kid lifted his head and sniffled, wiping teary eyes on his sleeve. He was a big boy already. And big boys didn't cry. Not in front of everyone. But it was okay to cry with someone dear, like dad. Because when you let it all out and got a hug, you started to feel better. He nodded bravely and got a sad smile in return. "That's my boy."

Father and son hugged one last time. Then the father brushed his son's hair. With that, the child turned away, took a couple of steps and turned again. He looked at the older shikigamis, then his father, then the Gods. And ran back to his father's arms.

"I love you, dad", he whispered, sobbing.

His father understood. In the end, the boy knew he was losing his father, the only relative and friend he got, walking away from everything safe to an unknown place. There was fear because of it. But there was also fear of his battle form. The boy was still scared that his father was sending him away because he was something filthy, something to hate. He was scared that his own father hated him.

"And I you", the father answered, meaning it from the bottom of his heart. "Now go. And don't look back."

The child looked him in the eye, those red serpent eyes filled with tears, nodded, and turned away. He walked to Genbu, took his hand and didn't turn again, didn't even look back.

The Protector of the East watched how Genbu walked the boy away. He watched until they disappeared to the woods. Then he turned to the man who had given his only child to someone else's care. "I am sorry", god heard himself saying. "I was hoping that you were wrong."

The other man nodded, desperately holding back tears. "Me too." He drew a breath, trying to get his shaking voice back in control. Then he looked straight to his lord's eyes. Something no one had ever dared. "Take care of Touda. He's my one and only child."

"I will", the dragon promised, cursing himself. Never mind he was the strongest shikigami for the time being, never mind his high status, right now, he felt powerless. He could find no words to reassure this man. Man, who had lost his wife long time ago when war had just ended and everything was supposed to be peaceful. This man, who now gave his son to dragon's care in order to protect the boy from his unique powers. The mighty Protector of the East couldn't do anything to make him feel better. All he could do was to keep the promise he had just given. And he would keep that promise. No matter what.

The Protector of the East watched his son stepping in his room and just by looking Soryuu, he had to wonder what had happened. One, water was dripping from the boy's clothes. Two, the boy was on the edge of tears. Three, Soryuu never came to see his busy father in the middle of the day. Not without a good reason. So, the older dragon met the watery eyes and waited.

"I had a fight with Touda", Soryuu told him.

Ah. "It's okay, even the best friends fight sometimes", olden dragon explained patiently. There were times he was reminded how young his son actually were. This was one of those times. "Besides, you've had fights before, right?"

Soryuu shook his head violently. "Not like this. This was a real bad one." A pause. "He said he hates me", came the soft confession. The boy bit his lip, refusing to cry in front of his father, in front of the man he adored.

The Protecter of the East sighed inwardly. This explained why Soryuu was here. Those two boys had become friends already on the first time they met, much thanks to Soryuu. Little dragon had simply taken the serpent's hand and led him to garden, telling him where were the best places to play. The unofficial ruler of the Imaginary World smiled. Soryuu and Touda were very different. Soryuu knew a lot about the world but he still had his child innocence. He knew what dying and war meant, but those had never touched him, so he didn't understand them perfectly. Touda on the other hand, didn't know so much about how the world went on, but he knew about the misery in there. The past wars and death had already taken part in his life. He saw things as they were, without fully understanding some of them.

The dragon pushed the thoughts away, deciding to concentrate in his son for now. "What happened?"

"You know that necklace Touda constantly wears?" Soryuu asked quietly.

Did the dragon know? Of course. Although the necklace was simply a cord with some ancient wooden symbol, it was important to the child. That was understandable; it was the only thing besides the memories he had of his family, of his beloved father. The memories would fade away one day, but items would stay and prevent you from forgetting everything. Touda knew that as well. "Yes."

"It… It got lost."

Oh darn.

"It was an accident!" Soryuu cried, defending himself from his own guilt. "We were playing on the river. On the water." He bit his lip. They had been told not to go in the water, not to go jumping on the rocks. It was dangerous but they hadn't believed. "Touda lost his balance and fell to the water. He didn't get hurt but by the time we got him back on the rocks… The necklace was gone. We tried to find it but… nothing."

The dragon silently decided this wasn't the time for lecture of dangers. That's what he, or Genbu, needed to do later, but not now. But it was no wonder they hadn't found the necklace. Boys had probably been playing on the upriver, which meant the rapid flow had taken it with it. Down to the waterfall, and down to the lake beneath it. "And this is your fault because…?"

"It was my idea. I talked Touda to it." Soryuu wrapped his hands around his body, hugging himself tighly. The tears were starting to fall. "I didn't mean it! I didn't…"

The dragon rose from his decorated wooden chair. Here he was the Protector of the East but in the end he was a father as well. He walked to his son and took him in his arms. Powerful arms wrapped around him, Soryuu rested his head on his father's chest, making the ceremonial robe all wet. Neither of them cared at the moment.

The father held his son, letting the child cry from the bottom of his heart. Touda had probably blamed Soryuu from what had happened and Soryuu had tried to defend himself, saying it was the serpent's fault since he fell from the rock. That was probably what their fight was all about.

Soon the boy's cries were just sniffles, and the older dragon finally dared to talk to him. "Hey", he said, to get the boy lift his eyes and look at him, "did you try to find it from the lake?"

Soryuu nodded. "It was no use. Touda probably stayed, trying to find it but…" The tears came back, some falling on the cheeks.

"Ssh", the dragon said, wiping the tears away gently. "What if you'd try again? You maybe won't find it but how about to give it a try?" The father smiled. "After all, you have one advantage Touda doesn't. You're water."

Soryuu looked at his father with huge blue eyes and nodded. The older dragon was right; his element was water, the exact opposite from Touda's fire. "Yeah. I try it today. And tomorrow. And the day after that."

The dragon smiled and rose up, not letting go of his son's hand. "So how about if we'd go to change clothes since we're both wet?"

Now that Soryuu realized what had happened he winced. "Dad, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

To child's surprise, the older dragon only smiled. "It's okay. I'm the Protector of the East, but I'm also a father. Everyone should understand that."

A wide smile spread on Soryuu's face and he was sure everything was going to be alright.


	2. Continuation

_A/N1: Firstly, thousand thank you's to general zargon who dropped a review! I was too sure if I was going to continue publishing, but looks like I am. So thank you once more!_

_Warnings: Shounen-ai. Very light, and will stay as light. (If someone dislikes, then my only explanation is that those two brought it upon them.)_

_A/N2: If you drop me a review, you make my world shine. Whether it's good or bad or somewhere between, I still love and treasure it._

_A/N3: Chapter 2/3. Last one comes next week._

A child was looking the other, serpent eyes wide. Then the boy lowered his gaze to his hand, staring at the item the other had just put there. Very surprised red eyes met apologizing blue ones. When the serpent couldn't find any words, dragon smiled a bit.

"I found it on the bottom of the lake. It was partly under a rock, no wonder we didn't find it earlier." There was a pause before the wet dragon continued. Water was dripping from his clothes since he had come straight to see his best friend. Soryuu lowered his gaze to ground, not wanting to see the other boy's eyes. Using his leg, the child was drawing circles on the ground. Just to have something to do when talking, so that he didn't have to meet the eyes. "The cord is broken but the wooden symbol isn't. But the cord can be replaced, you know?" A pause. In his young mind, Soryuu knew there was still something he needed to say. "Sorry", me mumbled, still not raising his head.

The silence took control. Neither of the boys spoke. They hadn't said a word to each other for days. Soryuu turned away, ready to leave. Even though he was still a young boy, still far from adolescent, he understood that maybe Touda wouldn't forgive him. Even if he had found the necklace.

Much to child's surprise, Touda grabbed his hand and turned the boy around. For a second he didn't say a word, and then: "These days… You've been diving there, trying to find this?"

"Yeah", came the blunt reply.

Touda's eyes wandered from the item to Soryuu and then back. "Thanks", he said, closing his hand around the necklace. A pause and then a question, asked in so quiet tone the other barely heard it: "We… We're still friends, right?"

Blue eyes stared the other in disbelief. He was the one whose fault it was that Touda had lost the necklace and now Touda was the one asking if they were friends. It didn't somehow seem right but the blue dragon was too happy to process the odd thing any further. "Sure", he answered, smiling. Then he started to pull the serpent towards the woods, never letting go of his hand. There was one of the best places to play hide and seek. Grinning, Soryuu turned and noted: "You're a weirdo."

"Same back at you", Touda answered, smiling as well. His other hand was in Soryuu's and the other was holding the wooden amulet. At that moment, those two things were the most important ones in his life.

The boys didn't know that they were watched from the palace's window. "You could've dived in the lake yourself and tried to find the necklace yourself. It would've been faster", another of the two watchers noted. Although his tone was serious, there was a smile playing on his face. The Guardian of the North had watched the man next to him to grow from a teenager to a father, so he knew the man probably better than he knew himself. And this just wasn't his usual act. "Why not?"

The taller man, Protector of the East laughed. It was one of those rare moments he had no need to keep his mask on. Mask of a leader, mask that showed no feelings. "There are things we need to do ourselves", he explained. "Besides, Soryuu never asked me to."

Genbu's face revealed nothing. "If he had, would you have?"

If this wasn't the time the dragon was driven in corner, there was no such time. Older shikigami's question made him wonder. What would've been his answer to his son? After all, the boy was his weak spot. The dragon shrugged. "Well, I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. But it's good things went this way", he answered, looking out the window to woods where the boys had ran. They were nowhere to be seen but the dragon knew they'd be back when the sun would go down. The kids had learned their lesson; rules weren't there to restrict them but to protect them.

The priest's turned to see what the other was looking at. When he realized, a smile rose to his face. "Those two are growing up fast, aren't they?"

"They are", blue dragon answered. On one hand, he was happy. The boys didn't need a babysitter all day long, they were fine by themselves. But on the other hand, it had been just a moment ago when he had to go read a story to boys before they fell asleep. Of course, they still needed to be looked after and Soryuu refused to go to bed without saying good night to his father. But still… Dragon smiled, but his smile was sad. So this was what it meant to be a parent. "Faster than I would've liked", he whispered.

Wind was blowing outside an old, traditional shrine. It's roof was beautifully decorated and there was scent of large amount of incenses. Their smell wasn't too strong, at least not for the priest standing there. The shrine was the place to relax; around it one felt at ease and strangely calm. The atmosphere of the shrine was serene, stealing away every worry, anxiety and any negative feeling, leaving only peace inside one's soul.

Guardian of the North was standing there, his head bowed for a silent prayer. People often tended to forget that he was a priest, one who dedicated his life for this. He had fought in wars, yes, and if one would come, he'd fight again. But that didn't stop him from praying for peace.

Peace was a fragile thing. Once destroyed, it was hard to build again. But those living it where so used to it that they closed their eyes from it's beauty. The importance of peace was often forgotten; people remembered it only when the land was in the crisp of war.

Genbu wanted children to learn this; how important peace really was. The young gods, only children for the time being, were the ones he was teaching.

Talking about the future rulers… Genbu turned his back to the shrine and watched the kid approaching him. With a warm smile, he took a couple of steps closer. "Soryuu? What are you doing here?"

The child's answer was immediate. "I need to ask about things."

Genbu blinked in surprise. It surprised him that Soryuu had come all this way to talk to him instead of his father or new teacher, young astrologer Rikugo. After all, the shrine was quite far from the palace and it wasn't too warm outside. The wind was blowing hard, so that it wasn't freezing but rather chilly outside. "Oh?" the priest said, still smiling behind his white beard. "What is so important that you've come all this way?"

The blue-haired kid lowered his head, not wanting to meet Genbu's eyes. Genbu saw the child's internal struggle. He didn't want to show he didn't know something, but he still wanted to know the answer. So frustrating! To get the answer, he should admit that he knew so very little. But still… Soryuu groaned, frustrated. He hadn't come all this way to back down now! "Why can't boys kiss?" he bluntly asked.

The small god stared at Soryuu. Now that caught him off-guard. Probably this had something to do with the lesson Rikugo had given him and Touda about growing up, becoming a teenager, girls and sex. Genbu tried not to laugh when he remembered the priceless look of Rikugo's face when Protector of the East had given him that task. He had been somewhat shocked and above all, unwilling. Rikugo wasn't too old himself and was far too young to give that lecture to a child but he was given no choice. But back to Soryuu's question… "Why are you asking this?"

Soryuu winced, unsure if he had mouthed his question to the right person. Oh how interesting little rocks on the ground could be, laying on the ground like that... "I'm asking this from you because… I just couldn't go to dad, you know? And Rikugo… He wouldn't answer me, anyway. At least not in the way I'd understand anything."

Genbu silently laughed to his beard. How true was that. "I didn't mean that, my child. I meant why you're asking this in the first place. Is there someone you like?"

Oh, if he was right. Soryuu was blushing, still not lifting his head. He couldn't find the words to answer but he managed to nod.

"And this someone is a boy?"

Another nod.

Genbu sighed and walked to Soryuu. The boy was nearly shaking, afraid of what the god's answer would be. Soryuu wasn't stupid; there seemed to be something wrong with two boys kissing, but he still wanted to know what that was. But he was still scared that Genbu would tell his dad. Or to Rikugo, which meant his dad would know as well.

"Boys can kiss."

Soryuu lifted his head, big blue eyes meeting the old. There was a flicker of hope but more than that, there was curiosity. Genbu inwardly sighed, serious now. He wasn't sure if Soryuu was mature enough to understand the problems of relationship between two men.

But he had to try, right? "It's just complicated. You see, not everyone thinks it's alright. Some people think that relationship between man and woman is the only right thing."

Soryuu took a moment to process Genbu's words. The answer wasn't clear enough, it was still a little too cloudy. "Is it?" he asked, eyeing the ground, ashamed that he had suggested something like that.

"That's another complicated thing", Genbu explained. He resisted the urge to say 'you'll understand when you're older', since the child hated it. Besides, it would do no good. Not in this situation. "Depends about your way to look at the world, I think."

Young shikigami was trying to understand what the older one meant. He didn't quite get it. Maybe it was one of the things that you'd understand when you'd grow up. But! Soryuu's lips pressed into a thin line. He wanted to know and understand now! "What do you think, then?" he asked, talking before thinking, again. The question had just popped into his mind.

Genbu smiled. He had his own point of view, of course. Some shared it, some didn't. "I think it's alright. I think the gender doesn't matter when you like someone."

Soryuu nodded. Some people thought two boys kissing it was a bad thing, some people thought it was okay. What did he think of it and what his crush thought of it? He would just need to find out. He looked Genbu in the eye and bowed before him. "Thanks for explaining me."

Genbu only smiled in return. So adult.

"But… please don't tell dad?"

Yet still so child.

"No, I will not."

There was a happy smile playing on child's features. "Thanks!" he shouted before running away from the shrine, towards home.

Genbu watched the small figure to disappear. There ran their future leader. A sigh escaped from the god. He tried so hard to teach all to potential, fast powerful growing children about war and peace. It was important but… Soryuu, Touda, Taimo, Kochin, new-born Suzaku and soon-to-born child of the Protector of the West. They were still kids. They should have no need to worry about the future. Yet… It's pressure were already on their shoulders, especially on Soryuu's. And Touda's. Of course, Rikugo had a considerable share as well, but he was no child. Young, yes, but no child anymore.

Genbu sighed again. This was a never-ending cycle, and he didn't like that at all. Sometimes he wondered whether they were taking care of their world by sacrificing their children's childhood. It had started to look like that. But was it the right way or were they, adults, just selfish? He lifted his eyes up to the blue-grey sky and send a silent prayer, hoping to be heard. He had no answer, no one had. All they could do was to wait and see what the future would bring.

Two youngsters were laying on the ground. It was a warm, warm day, with only a mild breeze playing with the trees' leaves and grass. Both shikigamis ought to be on their lessons but on a beautiful day as this, who could resist the call of the freedom? When you had to choose between laying on the ground and sitting in a room filled with books with you teacher, the choice was clear.

Besides, this was one of the first warm days. Finally the winter was releasing it's hold. Usually the snow didn't reach the main palace, so you barely noticed the variety of seasons, but this winter had proved that old belief wrong.

There was silence between youngsters. It was extraordinary for them, usually they were chatting about this and that, anything that happened to pass by. But now both of them were looking up the clear blue sky, enjoying the golden sun.

Touda was the one to shatter the silence. A memory had popped up and it just was too delicious to let go. So the black haired shikigami eyed his friend and casually asked: "You remember when you kissed me years ago?"

Soryuu groaned. Yes, he did remember. It had been one of the first warm days, a lot like today. But it was years ago. At the time, Soryuu hadn't even known what kissing meant. Not for real. Besides, the water shikigami wasn't sure if one could call that a kiss. It had been a brief touch, nothing more. He scowled his friend, only getting a grin as answer. Groaning again, eyes back to the sky, the dragon answered: "We were just kids. I just thought it was a way to show someone that you like him."

Other of the boys burst out a laughter. "Oh, you don't like me anymore?"

Soryuu reacted faster than Touda had expected. But the serpent still managed to dodge the small stone thrown at him. Though, in order of doing that, he had ended up half-sitting in front of his friend, who was definitely still thinking whether he should strangle him or not.

"You know, I didn't mind it back then", Touda said, more serious than before. He paused, but continued fast, not really giving the other chance to process the words. "I still wouldn't."

Blue-haired dragon was staring his friend in disbelief, pondering the words, slowly understanding the true meaning behind them. He didn't even need to look the other in the eye to know he wasn't lying. And it wasn't so hard to find the answer. Disturbingly easy, to tell the truth.

Briefly he touched the others lips with his own. Just like many years ago, back when they had been kids.

Few seconds passed as the two looked each other. As golden sunrays played on the field, giving the two figures shades of light, their lips met again. It was different from other times. This time, it wasn't just a brief touch. This time, it was a real kiss.

And even if neither of them admitted at the time, it was their first.


	3. Ending Beginning

_A/N1: Looks like my "one week" was a 'little' longer. Oh well, here we go, last chapter, 3/3._

_Warnings: Light shounen-ai, still. I only see this pairing working in past fics such as this, and here we go. Those two, they brought it upon themselves, I'm innocent._

_A/N2: If you're reading this, and happen to have somekind of thougt about it (whether you like it or not or don't know), please be so kind to drop a review. It'll be loved and treasured._

"Touda?" Soryuu stepped inside the library, calling out his friend. He had been looking for the other shikigami a good while already. This was nearly the last place he had come to, since the serpent didn't usually spend time in the library. Even though he read quite much, especially lately. "Why are you sitting here, in the middle of books…" He paused. Something was out of place now. Closing the door behind him, not wanting anyone to interrupt, Soryuu took a better look at his best friend. If someone had asked him, he wouldn't have been able to tell why he knew something was wrong. It was just the way Touda was sitting, how he was holding the book… "Is everything alright?" the dragon asked, lowering his voice a little and gently putting his hand on other's shoulder.

Or he would have, unless fire serpent hadn't gotten to his feet, rapidly retreating a few steps. Soryuu's hand had barely reached him. "Don't touch me", Touda hissed. His stance was stiff and the red eyes refused to meet the blue ones. "I'm… I'm not what you think."

Soryuu let out a sigh, a little frustrated. It was about this again? How many times he had to tell it was alright to make the other shikigami to believe? "Look, if this is about you being a serpent…" When they had been younger, Touda had been bullied about his battle form. Today, it wasn't physical like it once had been, but it was still there. Active bullying had become less notable, it had changed it's form from punches to whispers. 'Disgusting cross-breed' was their favourite one, if Soryuu recalled right.

"It's not only that", was the disturbing answer. Just one or two steps backwards and serpent have his back against the wall. He had no space to run away, to push this aside, he had to face his best friend and lover here and now. As much as it would hurt, he had to tell the truth. "I… My fire… It isn't normal."

"What are you talking about?" blue dragon asked, not following. He held out his hand, trying to reach the other, to calm him down.

And was surprised to see the reaction to the kind gesture. "Don't touch me!" Touda nearly yelled, slapping Soryuu's hand away. He took one step backwards, now back against the wall for real. His red serpent eyes were blazing, his temper rising little by little. He had hoped the dragon would've been able to see the truth but no. Now he was forced to say it aloud. Slashing it all out would make it real, he wouldn't be able to hide in the shadows anymore. And it hurt. Like hell. "I… I'm a hellfire shikigami."

Soryuu actually backed off a little, surprised and deep inside, a little scared. His mind was processing the words. He knew what a hellfire shikigami was. Other part of him wanted to shout out loud that it couldn't be true, but the another, still with logic, was explaining how very logical it was.

_It's insane, but still… it explains everything. Why Touda has been avoiding everyone for the last few days and the reason why Touda came here in the first place. My God…_

Now Soryuu remembered. He had a vague memory of the night Touda's father had come to meet the Protector of the East, but he had forgotten the words, since at the time, they hadn't held any meaning to him. He had forgotten that his best friend, his lover for god's sake, was a hellfire shikigami. What kind of friend was he, forgetting something so important…

"Hellfire is meant only for one thing", Touda continued, his pain reflected in his voice, and turned his head away. He didn't want to see Soryuu's face. He didn't want to see the fear and hate there. He didn't want to see the dragon turn his back on him, like that nice lady had done when she found out he was a serpent. This was far, far worse than being a filthy snake. That he could handle, but being a snake and hellfire? He wasn't sure if he could take it, even if he'd have his friend after this revelation. "To kill. No other element is that powerful."

"Touda…" Soryuu tried.

"And the shikigamis with it... Their lives are filled with death and killing. And those killings are not righteous."

Soryuu knew all that. When it came to their world's history, he hadn't been slacking. There were some books that told about hellfire shikigamis and none of those stories ended happily. _Yeah, every single hellfire shikigami has been more or less hated. That's the way they've all died as well. By the hands of families of those they've killed. Everyone has been more or less a murderer._

When the dragon looked at Touda, he felt his heart ache. The serpent had wrapped his hands around himself, instinctively trying to shield himself, cutting himself out of the cold world. No one deserved to be judged just by his powers, right? Once again, Soryuu reached the shaking shikigami, his eyes begging, trying to reach Touda's. This time the serpent only flinched of the touch but didn't push him away, nor met his eyes.

"Hey." Soryuu's voice was calm and he intended to keep it like that, despite his inner turmoil. While he moved his own hand upwards and downwards fire shikigami's arm, trying to reassure him, he used the other to gently reach other's face. Silently he sighed in relief, finding the other to lean to the touch. At least he wasn't completely shut outside. "It doesn't mean you'll be like that." Touda's gaze was still fixed to the floor, other shikigami moved his hand a little, gesturing the serpent to look him in the eye. "You can change that pattern", Soryuu told him, his own voice a little shaken. Then he placed a finger on other's lips. "Don't argue, okay? You can change that. You know why? Because I'll make sure nothing like that happens. I am here for you."

Just the look in Touda's eyes made Soryuu bite his lip. Fire shikigami, not yet a man but not a teenager anymore, had never shown fear. Even now he did his best to hide it, but the dragon could see through it. At that moment, Soryuu knew he never wanted to see fear in his eyes. Never again.

There was other thing that made Soryuu's heart ache. Touda wasn't crying, his pride wouldn't let him, but there were tears glowing in his serpent eyes. For a second Soryuu wondered if his own eyes reflected other's pain. Because he was hurting as well, his heart being stabbed repeatedly with a knife, as he saw his best friend suffering of the things he hadn't decided himself. Touda had done nothing to deserve this. To be a serpent, to be a hellfire shikigami, to be hated because of it.

Their lips met. It was a tender, loving contact. They both knew Touda needed this. Touda was a strong person but deep inside, he was as human as everyone else. There were times when even he needed something. Something to prove he wasn't less than human. That there was someone who would grieve if he'd die.

For the first time in his life, Touda let himself go. Finding out the truth about himself, the growing fear, had been eating him little by little, killing him inside. The last few days had exhausted him. He didn't have the strength to fight anymore. He melted into the kisses, light touches. He let Soryuu show the way, to carry him through this. To show that nothing had changed between them. To show there was a person who still cared, who loved him, despite what he was.

Soryuu was standing a few steps behind his best friend and lover. He was looking at the flames. They were beautiful; all shades from yellow to red, even some white spots here and there. The dragon, barely a man, glanced fire shikigami who had his clenched fist on his chest. Right where heart was, he was holding a wooden necklace. Water shikigami didn't need to ask what he was thinking. He knew it already. Though… "You sure about…" he started.

"Yeah", came the quick reply. Touda didn't want to hear the words. He had troubles with his control already, he knew it would brake if he'd let Soryuu finish. With that, he threw the necklace, last reminder if his father, to fire. It would burn there, along with his father's dead body. _It's the only thing I could ever give him. _

In silence, hearing only the wood cracking, friends stood and watch. They watched as the flames danced, escorting the dead shikigami to his final destination. Yesterday the message of Touda's father's death had been delivered to him; the message that the villagers wished him to burn the body. And that it had been his father's last wish, too.

Villagers had only taken them to the body, carefully placed on top of woods. There was a lake just some steps away. It hurt when Soryuu realized this place was chosen due to the fact that they didn't trust the hellfire serpent enough. Soryuu hadn't tell them who he was, he had just said he was a friend and was capable of stopping the fire if it should get out of hand. Not that even he was able to control hellfire if it would break loose, but he knew his friend wouldn't let that happen. Not even if he was breaking inside.

The serpent was the one to break the silver web of silence. "You know… Sometimes I wonder how he puts… put up with all this." He had to correct the words now. He had to accept the truth. "I mean… Dad has… had. He had no one. My mom was killed as revenge of his doings in the war and when I left… He was all alone then." Touda's voice wasn't so shaky as he had feared but it certainly wasn't as stable as he had hoped. He couldn't look his friend since had to keep the flames in control. Not that he wanted Soryuu to see his eyes, the mirror of his soul, either.

Soryuu's eyes left the flames and moved to Touda. The serpent wasn't one to talk about his past and the dragon hadn't pushed. Therefore, other shikigami's words were a surprise. _What, your mom was killed? I thought… Oh gods._ The realization kicked in as few certain memories popped up. When they had been kids, very young kids, Genbu had mentioned death to them. It had been the priest's way to get them to know each other better, to talk about things that had a real meaning. The way Touda had viewed death… It had scared Soryuu. Today, right now, he realized why the other had seemed so mature at the time._ No wonder you knew about death and dying long before I did. _Soryuu's thoughts paused as he glanced the fire, picturing a man's body burning there._ Your father… He must've been really strong._ "He did that to help you, you know", Soryuu heard himself saying. "To protect you."

"Yeah, from my own powers", Touda answered self-mockingly after a while. The flames were dying little by little, they had already done their work. During their dance, they had changed something once living to ashes. "There's another thing I sometimes wonder…" Touda continued and for the first time in the shore, he glanced over his shoulder to see Soryuu. He wasn't crying, not visibly, but those red eyes were full of grief and sorrow. "What he'd think of this? Of us?"

Soryuu shook his head as the wind played with his long, blue hair. He meet his friends sorrowful eyes, not realising his own nearly matched them. "I don't know. I didn't know him, Touda. I only saw him once when I was a kid. Before the day you came. But from what I remember and what I heard from Genbu…"

The blue dragon took a couple of steps until he was standing next to his friend. He looked down grey ground. Now that the flames had taken their last breath, there were a spot were nothing grew. It was autumn. The grey dust and ashes were painful contrast to the world so colourful; the world was shining with yellow, brown, orange, red... All colours. Soryuu kneeled, taking some ash to his hand.

_Yeah, Genbu explained to me why you were in our house. That you were a part family. Even with that, he made me understand that you needed to be there. That your father gave you away because he cared so much._

Soryuu stood up, locking his blue dragon eyes to Touda's red serpent's. "I understood that he was a good and loving father. And with that little information I have… I think that he would've accepted us." With that, he lowered his gaze, opened his hand and let the wind gently blow away the ashes from his palm. Those ashes had once lived; now it was their, his, time to become one with everything.

Soryuu stood there, next to his first love. He didn't kiss him, didn't touch him. Because today, he was just needed to be there, on his side.

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust", was the silently whispered goodbye he heard.

It was a beautiful evening. In few hours, sun would set. But now it made the woods, the waters, the hills, everything, bath in dark shades of yellow and orange, combined with shades red. Two young men were sitting on the same rock, side by side, hearing, not really listening, how the blue-white sea waves crashed into the stone, their cold droplets reaching shikigamis. They weren't far from the shore; Soryuu would've loved to be further out on the sea, but Touda preferred land. This was the half way, a place where neither of them felt unease. Just the opposite.

The day had been hard for both of them; there'd been a meeting between the strongest shikigamis, themselves included. The subject had been something they both disliked; war. Two of four Protectors believed that it would come soon; third admitted that it was probable; in short, all three thought that it'd be inevitable. That they needed to prepare themselves, at least mentally. If the war should spread it's black, blood red edged wings upon the Imaginary World, both youths would need to take responsibilities. They had come to realize what decisions would be thrown upon Soryuu, since he had recently inherited his father's position as the Protector of the East, and they also knew that Touda would be the triumph card; the killer. Knowing all this, yet being unable to do something, was eating them both.

If being an adult meant this, both wanted to go back being kids again. Instead of talking, they tried to calm themselves by searching peace from each other; simply feeling the warmth radiating from the person next to you, simply feeling the warmth of that hand holding yours. It was huge, yet welcome, contrast, to chilly wind and cold, hard rock.

The two shikigamis were so wrapped up in their thoughts that neither noticed the small approaching figure before it talked. "Feeling under the weather, aren't you, hmh?"

Both practically jumped in the air as they turned to face the Protector of the North. Neither of youngsters, kids from Genbu's point of view, knew what to say. All this time, they had kept their relationship to themselves, preferring the rumours to actual knowledge. How much had this tiny priest realized just now?

"You should cheer up", the earth shikigami continued, purposefully ignoring wide, somewhat scared blue and red eyes. "If you do what you can to prevent the war, then you should have no regrets."

Soryuu managed to regain his thoughts and ability speak a little faster than his lover. "Yeah", he agreed, noticing Touda to follow with a nod.

Genbu flashed a smile behind his white beard, enjoying the situation. An old man could have his fun every now and then, right? Especially at times like this, it was important for him to have something to laugh about, too. He pointed his finger towards two friends. "And you shouldn't worry about your relationship either. I'll be keeping my mouth shut, since I'm happy to see you two getting on with it."

The old shikigami couldn't help but laugh out loud as he looked at the shocked faces. Priceless, simply priceless. This time it was the fire serpent who got his mouth to work first. "How?"

Kind and reassuring laughter filled the air as knowing eyes fixed to red and then moved to blue. The spoken words held knowledge of many, many years. The tiny priest had seen and experienced a lot more than most ever realised. And he was very perceptive as well. "Oh, I remember a kid asking why boys can't kiss. I just wondered if you'd got past it already."

A memory hit Soryuu like wave, making him to lose every ability but staring. Now that Genbu mentioned it, he had asked that question… And gotten the answer. Without that, he probably wouldn't have made a move towards his childhood crush, which led to their relationship years after, but…

Genbu's words surprised the serpent, sure, but his mind started working. As far as Touda knew, he had been the only boy Soryuu had ever… That brief touch of other's lips on his, their first so-called-kiss. Oh, now the pieces fit together. Before speaking, red eyes searched for an eye contact. When that was found, it was time for words. "You asked Genbu if it was alright to kiss me?"

The blue dragon wanted to lean back until he'd fall into the water and then swim far away, as far as he'd become one with the sea, and not come back before the nightfall. But he did none of it. Instead, a smile spread across his lips. "Yeah."

Neither of the two noticed as Genbu made his leave. The old priest's kind look and pleased smile held knowledge that these two could survive from the weight they'd need to carry despite their young age, because they had someone to hold on to.

Touda stared his partner and shook his head, amused, as smile found it's way to his lips too. "You really are something, you know?"

Water shikigami needed no words. Instead leaned forward, put his hand behind the other's neck and captured those lips with his own. Serpent quickly responded, hand finding it's way to dragon's side, coaxing him to come closer. While Soryuu's hand played with his long black hair and tongue invaded his mouth, Touda made a note to remember to thank Genbu in the future. Without him, they might have not become this close.

And that was something neither of them would have any other way.


End file.
